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Spot the Mallu, anywhere
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You need not be a Sherlock Holmes to spot a Malayali in a railway coach. Simply look out for certain very obvious signs, which identifies the Mallu even in a crowd. K. BALAKRISHNAN finds that despite all these very amusing traits, the Mallu remains the most acceptable group of the human race.
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TRUST MALAYALIS, known to the north of India as `Mallus,' to advertise to the whole world regarding their state of origin. Whether it is Timbuktu or Papua New Guinea, Dubai or Dublin, Cherapunji or Godhra, cast your eyes around and you are sure to find a Mallu. You don't have to be a Sherlock Holmes to identify this species. All you need is to specifically know what to look out for, like certain mannerisms, idiosyncrasies or dress proclivities.
The `desi' version of the expatriate Malayali is perhaps easiest to spot. Suppose you are travelling from Vadodara to Karwar by sleeper class in a train. On boarding, you may closely scrutinise your fellow passengers, hoping to sight a Mallu. Unable to locate one; you resign yourself to a journey where conversations will have to be restricted to either English or Hindi depriving it of the punch and vigour, the give and take, when it is in Malayalam. You are resigned to a journey without the pleasure of dissecting politics or discussing the merits and demerits of politicians.
Then, two stations down the way, your eyes focus on one boarding the coach. Instinct tells you that he is a Mallu, though a tinge of doubt lingers. Casually dressed, clean-shaven and with just two pieces of luggage, the external appearances and trappings do not signpost him as a Mallu. Occupying the vacant seat opposite you, he tucks in his luggage and settles back with a book in hand. But, just as you have given up hope, he puts aside his book, unlaces his loafers, pulls out a plastic carry-bag from his overnighter and, like a magician pulling out a rabbit from his hat, produces a lungi and a pair of rubber Hawaii slippers. He is a Mallu!
When travelling, especially by train, your average Malayali manifests some deep-seated habits that make him easy to identify. He prefers to get out of his restrictive clothing and into the comfort of the airy lungi at the earliest. Rubber hawaiis are the preferred footwear. Short walks on the platforms, even at whistle-halts, are mandatory. Vestibules in trains are for morning strolls along the length of the train even while brushing one's teeth.
Other distinctive traits include the ability to procure a Malayalam newspaper, irrespective of the fact that however remote the area you are passing through, the habit of carrying on high decibel conversations with a fellow Mallu at 1.00 am and thereby ensuring that no person in the near vicinity has restful sleep and last but not the least, the trait of taking up the quarrels for fellow passengers with least consideration whether they are in the right or wrong.
So much for the Mallu male. The female Mallu also has certain distinctive qualities. Happily unaware of the fact that the `nightie' is essentially home wear, she, like her male counterpart, prefers to get into her `nightie' as soon as she settles down. Plastic rope-bound cardboard cartons and carry bags are an integral part of her luggage. Like Draupadi's Akshayapatra, these carry bags yield delectable eats of various types, seemingly without end.
If the male Mallu has a penchant for Malayalam newspapers she prefers magazines. Recognising her deep desire for the printed word in magazine form, enterprising vendors on the Konkan route carry on a highly profitable business selling back issues of Malayalam magazines, especially of the fiery kind.
The non-desi Mallu also shows certain distinctive traits. The habit of conveniently forgetting to remove airline baggage tags from luggage is a Mallu vanity. The expatriate Mallu takes pride in paying excess baggage fare to airlines and strongly believes that the number of pieces of luggage carried around is directly proportional and indicative of the wealth that has been amassed abroad. The earlier expat version of the Mallu was the easiest to spot as sporting a drooping moustache was considered de rigueur. But that inclination is now on the decline and shorter moustaches or clean-shaven upper lips are more the norm. Another earlier trait was to roll the sleeve of one's shirt to a point halfway between the elbow and wrist.
A common weakness shown both by women and men of Mallu origin is for the homespun towel called `thorthu.' An unavoidable part of travel comfort-wear the `thorthu' is proudly used by men as an `angavasthram' worn folded over the shoulder and by women as a `chunni' draped over both shoulders with the front hanging down to midriff.
But, all the above facts accepted, the Malayali or Mallu has qualities that endear him or her to one and all. Cheerful by nature and always willing to lend a helping hand the Mallu manages to merge into the fabric of any alien society or situation without effort. The very fact that Mallus can be found in any part of the world is testimony to the fact that they are acceptable to all.
Illustration: Sajjive Balakrishnan
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