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Compliment courtesy
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Giving or receiving compliments is not easy. Here are some tips to help you do so to spread goodwill and cheer.
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HOW MANY of you believe that you are not being noticed enough or given credit for excellence in your job performance?
You are not in the minority. A large number of people in all levels in the business world feel the same.
What one is missing is the "positive feedback", "attention", or "recognition", from your peers and superiors. In other words — compliments.
Now, is it bad to expect that? Doesn't our philosophy tell us to do our best without expecting rewards?
A very highly evolved concept all right, but the problem is, most ordinary mortals are exactly that — just "ordinary mortals".
It is a basic human need to get noticed and appreciated. We feel great when we receive a compliment but there is such a scarcity of it.
Culturally, we are not comfortable with giving or receiving compliments. We have witnessed situations where anything untoward happening to a person, who has received a compliment, has immediately been attributed to the "evil eye" perpetrated by the innocent compliment giver.
The other conditioned thinking is that if you compliment someone it will go to his or her "head" or make them too "proud".
SAY IT RIGHT: If you are truly impressed, express it with a heartfelt statement.
There are also a lot of people who will not part with a compliment because they feel that will somehow devalue them! Sounds familiar?
We all know the fallacy of point number one and two; so, ignore it as "baseless". The third point is an individual ego problem.
Ignore it as "poor unhappy souls". So, here are a few pointers on giving and receiving compliments.
* Be sincere. If and when you are truly impressed by or appreciate something, express it with a heartfelt statement. Otherwise, it comes across as flattery and you appear and sound phoney.
* Compliments need to be appropriate and timely. Don't exaggerate or use flowery words. That takes the power away from it.
* A good manager always remembers that praising good work is encouraging positive behaviour.
It is a great way to build up team spirit and s/he sets the standard for courtesy, care and excellence. This, in turn, enhances your leadership image.
In the business arena, compliment `accomplishments' and `a job well done' but not the person. For example, compliment a well-prepared presentation and not how nice the person looks. This is especially important with the opposite sex. You might admire somebody's tie or her handbag. That is just about the limit for a personal compliment in the business arena.
The other side of the coin is receiving compliments. A lot of people do not know how to accept a compliment. It could be because they have never received one before and are thrown completely off track, or because genuinely they don't know how to respond to it!
Some brush it aside, others reject it and a majority of them ignore it. If someone says to you, "your paper was excellent, I really enjoyed it," it would be an insult to respond with "yeah, it is okay, I could have done better." You have just made the person who complimented you feel rather foolish. If you receive a personal compliment on how nice your clothes look, it is quite unnecessary to give explanations on how old it is or that you paid next to nothing for it.
All you need to do is — just smile and accept the compliment because there is only one way to receive a compliment and that is graciously with a "thank you, I am glad you liked it." And there is only one way to give a compliment and that is with all sincerity.
Now practice giving and receiving compliments and you will be amazed at the amount of goodwill and cheer you yourself will feel and, of course, will be spreading around you also!
(The writer is the Director of ProEt Centre for International Protocol and Etiquette. Ph: 3372004/ 6503605, e-mail:proetique@yahoo.com)
CHITRA DANGER
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