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The end of Madonna’s trial adoption period

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached the end of their 18-month trial adoption period for David, whom they rescued/grabbed from Malawi in 2006. The end of this phase was marked by a three-day visit from the chief social welfare officer of Malawi, Simon Chisale.

Of course, we all clean up for adoption-agency workers. Even if you’ve never had an adoption agency round your house, you can imagine yourself into this mindset by thinking of a cleaner, mentally clearing up for her (or him), and multiplying by a factor of 10. I had friends who had an adoption-agency person round, and the Mrs made the Mr move all the bottles out of their recycling bin, and into the boot of the car, in case they looked like alcoholics, which was fine until Mr offered to give the adoption lady a lift to the station, and clanked all the way there. So they ended up looking like boozers who didn’t recycle. How was she to know some of them were food jars?

Madonna, needless to say, did not have this problem. According to Mr. Chisale’s account, she was baking when he arrived. Guy was reading the paper. Already, this role-modelling is painfully perfect. Their carpets are apparently so luxurious that it’s like “walking on live sheep.” Both David and his elder siblings Lourdes and Rocco are being taught Chichewa (David’s native tongue) by Malawian friends. They have a “zoo room” to recreate the sensation of being in Africa. Neatly, this re-creation of Malawi cost exactly as much as the entire GDP of Malawi. — ©Guardian Newspapers Limited, 2007

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