A million Britons wait to be counted in

By Hasan Suroor

LONDON, APRIL 30. It is claimed to be Britain's most expensive and ambitious number- crunching exercise in 200 years, but would the sums add up?

This is the question everyone is asking as people up and down the country - including the Queen - sit down to fill up their census forms amid reports that nearly one million forms have still not been delivered even as ten of thousands of Britons shout themselves hoarse over the census helpline that seem to be forever busy.

Filing census forms is compulsory, those who don't could face a œ1000 fine.

Although officials claimed that 98 per cent of the callers were able to get through to the helpline, individual experiences told a different story. People complained that they were kept on hold for what seemed like ages and then curtly told that operators were busy - ``Please replace the handset and goodbye''. Frustration and anger over the way in which Census 2001 has been conducted was reflected in today's newspapers, one of which called it a ``countdown to disaster''. The entire exercise, estimated to cost œ255 million, seems to have gone terribly awry - starting with the size of the pre-paid envelope in which you are supposed to put your form and mail it back to the Census office.

It is just too big to go into your neighbourhood mailbox and people have been struggling to ``square the circle'' as they try to invent ways to push it in.

The Sunday Telegraph called it the ``latest in a series of mishaps that has left this year's poll on the state of the nation bordering on farce.'' Even the Tories, who have little to laugh about these days, allowed themselves a chuckle with the Shadow Home Secretary, Ms. Ann Widdecombe saying that ``this Government could not even run a proverbial outing in a brewery''. While those who don't have their forms are chewing their nails in frustration, those who have are angry over the nature of some of the questions contained in the 20-page form.

The Sunday Times said the ``intrusive nature and quantity of the questions...is unprecedented''. Questions relating to religion, cultural background and details of past jobs held by pensioners have been resented and there is a widespread view that the Government is using the Census to collect too much private information without telling the people how it is going to be used. Not everyone is persuaded by the official claim that the information would remain confidential.

For weeks, newspapers and T.V. channels have been inundated with census advertisements advising people to stand up and shout:``Count me in.'' ``Put yourself in the picture'', says a bright yellow leaflet accompanying the form and down at the bottom a grandfather figure is holding up a baby as it drops a form in a letter box.

In real life, however, the picture is looking less pretty with real grandfathers fuming over the sort of questions they are expected to answers. As for babies they are left bawling as their parents struggle to fill their forms - or get one.

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