For better, for worse

Talk about marriage and you will never go unheard. MAYA RANGANATHAN writes on the hazards of Net romance and how the search for a soulmate in the classifieds section of newspapers has still not lost its savour.

AT lunch time at a University in Melbourne, a pot pourri of cultures, Jason, a second generation Australian, baulks when the topic veers to Indian marriages. An arm around his girlfriend of two weeks, the 21-year-old exclaims, "How can you live with someone you do not know at all?"

Yet, across the smallest continent and surely not unknown to Jason, more and more men and women seem to be plumbing for the Indian way of finding a mate.

Well into middle age, successful and wealthy McDonald, had just one worry: he had no one to share his success and happiness. His wife had left him for another man years ago and his two sons were leading lives on their own in another part of the city. In search of a soulmate, he hit upon what we Indians have latched onto so successfully in recent times - the classified columns of the local newspaper.

Local papers in these parts are filled with columns of "looking for a soulmate" advertisements. Nothing surprising, really. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, one million women and 1.2 million men between the ages of 18 and 34 are single. And one in four men and one in five women will never marry. And to all these men and women who have not met the right person in their own circles, the local newspaper is the ideal match-maker.

Some give vent to their deepest desires. One advertisement went thus: "As I sit in the evening watching TV, I see beside me a medium-built man in his thirties. His clean-cut profile warms my heart and he is caring and makes me laugh. He is loyal and trustworthy. He is my best friend, my lover."

Others are stark and plain in their expectations: "Companion wanted for 45-year-old man. Divorcees and widows with children welcome. Relationship could end in marriage."

In "liberated" Australia, where notices on University campuses scream, "Are you heterosexual by default?", there are an equal number of advertisements seeking partners of the same sex. There is a separate section among the personal advertisements for those seeking partners of the same sex and couples seeking the company of other couples "for fun and excitement".

But, newspaper personals may soon be pass.

According to the latest media reports, "weekend speed dates and Internet matchmaking are the latest trends to hit the love market". Placing the number of single men and women between the ages of 18 and 34 at 5,00,000 in the State of Victoria, one newspaper said the young are now trying their luck with speed dating,where every person gets to meet at least 10 prospective partners in one night.

A jazzed-up version of our naveena swayamvaram, each man or woman gets to date every one of the 10 partners for seven minutes each. They are given "yes" and "no" cards. At the end of the session, the "yes" cards are matched and addresses and phone number exchanged. All that is missing is perhaps the exchange of horoscopes!

In a scenario where divorce rates are sky-rocketing and marriage rates plummeting, the singles websites on the Net are boasting unprecedented membership figures. A popular web-site claims that in the three years since inception, it has led to 500 marriages!

Yet, all is not hunky-dory on the Net. In the last few months, at least two incidents of men losing their wives to lovers on the Net have made it to the headlines in tabloids. One man recounted how his wife of more than 10 years had fallen hopelessly in love with an impersonator on the Net and how he had to spend huge amounts of money and time to wean her away from the Net. "She has still not recovered," he exclaimed.

Agony aunt columns clearly lay down the symptoms of a woman carrying on a Net romance. Is she clocking long hours? Does she set the alarm early to get on to the Net so she can chat with someone in a different time zone? Does she work on the computer secretly? "Beware, your wife could be having a Net romance!"

However, be that as it may, McDonald has found a life partner. In their search for love or what passes for it, the Aussies are perhaps realising the truth that we Indians have held on to for centuries - that in marriage at least, an unknown devil is better than a known angel!

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