Know Your English

``HI, SORRY I'm late.''

``I have been waiting for an hour. Where have you been?''

``I went to see my cousin Vishvanath at the nursing home. He is going to be operated tomorrow. His appendix is being removed.''

``Doctors usually perform an operation on someone. They don't `operate' someone, they `operate on' someone. Your cousin is being operated on for appendicitis tomorrow.''

``Operated on, eh? I see. How does this sound? The surgeon said that he planned to operate on the Principal some time next week.''

``Why don't you leave your poor Principal out of your examples! Last week my best friend's mother was operated on. Tell me, who is the doctor who is going....''

``....I heard this morning that the doctor who is going to operate on my cousin isn't very good.''

``Who told you that?''

``Madhu. He said that the last person that this particular doctor operated, died on the...I mean that the last person that the doctor operated on died on the operation table.''

``That's terrible. Did you tell your cousin about this?''

``Yes, I did. But he is not at all worried. According to his opinion, if someone....''

``....you cannot say `according to his opinion'. You can either say, `according to him/her', or `in his/her opinion'. You are not allowed to mix the two expressions.''

``I see. According to the doctors the operation is a minor one.''

``In the doctors' opinion the operation is a minor one.''

``According to my cousin, the operation is so minor that even a medical student could perform it with his eyes closed.''

``Perform an operation with one's eyes closed! Good grief! In my opinion your cousin isn't taking things seriously enough.''

``That's what my father thinks too! According to me, both of you....oops, sorry! You cannot say, `according to me', right?''

``That's right! It's always `according to someone else'. If you want to express an opinion, then you have to say....''

``....in my opinion. In my opinion you correct me too often.''

``That's a good example. Or you could say, `If you ask me, you correct me too often'.''

``If you ask me, there is too much corruption in this country of ours.''

``Let's not start talking about corruption please. People in this country only talk about it. They don't do anything about it.''

``There's nothing we can do about it. India wouldn't be India without the corruption. Any way, what were you doing before I walked in?''

``I was listening to some Minister talking about how to prevent AIDS.''

``AIDS! That doesn't sound very interesting. How was the talk by the way?''

``It was flabby.''

``The Minister's speech was flabby? What are you talking about? You mean that the Minister was flabby, don't you?''

``One of the meanings of `flabby'....''

``....I know what the word flabby means. When you say that someone is `flabby', it means that his muscles are soft and loose. For example I can say, the woman who came to deliver the flowers was quite flabby.''

`` That's a good example. My cousin Karthick has become very flabby. But what I ...''

``...but in your first example, you referred to the Minister's speech as being flabby. What is the meaning of the word in that context?''

``When you say that someone's speech was flabby, it means that it was very weak or ineffective.''

``I see. Can I say, when I asked him why he hadn't done his homework, he gave some flabby excuse.''

``Sounds O.K. My favourite author's latest book was released last week. Most critics have said that the plot is flabby.''

``Meaning that the book has a very weak plot. Can I say the corruption in this country...''

``....corruption again! Why are you so fixated on corruption?''

``Fixated? What does it mean?... Wait, wait, don't tell me. Let me guess. When you are fixated on something, you are always thinking about it. Am I right?''

``Excellent. You don't merely think about it, but you constantly talk about it as well.''

``Like our friend Raja. He is constantly talking about cricket.''

``Exactly! When you are fixated on something, it becomes your obsession. You are thinking about it excessively. You can be fixated on a person as well. My friend Janaki remains fixated on things which keep reminding her of her dead grandmother.''

``The jury was informed that the defendant was fixated on the victim.''

``I don't want to be fixated on anyone or anything.''

``Neither do I.''

``But in the opinion of many people you are already fixated on something.''

``Me fixated on something?''

``That's right. According to your parents you are fixated on the idea of making tons of money without really having to work for it. How do you plan on becoming rich without....''

``....buy plenty of lottery tickets.''

``I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'' - Dan Quayle

S. UPENDRAN

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