The generation gap

IT may sound strange but for a very long period in my life, I was never afflicted with headaches. As I was growing up, I listened to family members and friends complaining of thalai vali (headache) using picturesque phrases to describe their ordeal. One of them was "munuku munuku nu thalai valikaraddu". "Thalai vali" was the most common affliction of male and female characters in the Tamil novels and short stories I read.

I went through other usual ailments - stomach ache, injuries from falls, fever, aches and sprains during my growing up period, but not headache. Occasionally, I tried to bunk school on the pretext of "thalai vali", held my head in my hands and doused my forehead with Tata's eau-de-cologne. It was a put-on show. My parents saw through it and sternly ordered me to get ready for school.

Another affliction from which I was totally free while growing up was boredom. I did not know what the phrase meant because it never entered my head that one could get bored. Was it a physical affliction, or a state of mind? Occasionally, when I went on babbling on subjects which did not interest others, I was told "Porum, porum, bore adikadhe". My sisters and parents identified some of our friends and relations as "bores" but I did not find anything unusual with them. Some of my friends described the films they had watched as "big bores". That too did not register with me, because in those days, when our film viewing was minimal, every film was a great experience.

Getting bored. Not knowing what to do at home. These were issues which I could not comprehend. Mind you, in those days there was hardly any entertainment or outings. We lived in towns and villages, many of which did not even have electric power. No radio either. I went to school, came back, played a bit, did the homework and then went to bed. This was the story of my boyhood. But getting bored? Never.

What did I do most of the time? With three elder sisters around, it was just chatting with them, staging plays with the most fantastic themes and reading Tamil magazines and books. When we had bullock carts at home, I spent time with the animals and pretended to drive the cart. What games did I play? Marbles, chadu gudu, pambaram, hide-and-seek and even pandi which was supposed to be a girl's game. As we moved to bigger towns, it was cricket, football and hockey.

There was always something to do and keep oneself busy. Being part of a close-knit family helped. Even during the school holidays, I never felt bored. There was security and satisfaction in being surrounded by loving parents and sisters. I seldom got what I wanted. But then, my wants were so few that I did not really mind and we were satisfied with what we got from our parents.

Father's will prevailed all the time. He loved everything white, wore nothing but white and bought only white stuff for the children. All my friends wore coloured shirts, it was my ambition to wear one and this was realised only at the age of 15, when my elder sister and her husband presented me with one. The blue shirt, an ill-fitting one, was a treasured possession.

Friends were restricted mostly to school hours and evenings. We were not allowed to spend nights with our friends, however close we were. They also seldom came to our house at night. Our parents knew the background of all our friends. There were no birthday parties or gifts. The day was featured with the morning ayush homam and a feast with pal payasam. I think I went to a restaurant once or twice a year. All the goodies were made at home, including the hard-to-make, perfectly-shaped jangiris. As for handling money, forget it! Money was strictly for elders.

Was it a humdrum and boring existence? If it were so, how come we were so happy and contended, that too with so little? Today's children are blessed with so many things - radio, television, VCR, compact discs, music systems, computers, cyber cafes, films, birthday parties, video games and even credit cards.

The list changes daily, but why do today's teenagers still find life unsatisfactory? I hear complaints of "being bored" all the time. "Life is so boring yaar, what to do at home? There is nothing TO DO!" is the most frequently heard complaint.

I am frankly puzzled that even children belonging to affluent families are so easily "bored". In today's list of priorities, parents come way behind, it is the opinions and views of friends that count. The average teenager finds it difficult to kill time at home. She does not like to read and TV serials become boring after some time. So, what is the alternative? Spend as little time as possible at home and more time with friends.

Sometimes, such an attitude can hurt. There is no use describing the good old days to today's children when we were closer to our parents and found life fulfilling. If they cannot believe it, that is their problem. Our own sons and daughters may view us as museum pieces, but that is the price one has to pay for the passage of time and change of lifestyles. The generation gap is very much present.

All this does not mean our children do not love us. But they are more independent and feel sure that we will not be of much use to them in running their own lives. There is an element of truth in such thinking. Take the issue of marriage. We still have millions of arranged, traditional weddings, but it would be wiser to leave the choice of one's life-partner to the individual concerned.

V. GANGADHAR

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