Goodbye and hello

Come June - July, there is a virtual migration from one stage of life to another: for the teenager who steps out of school to enter the portals of college. To equip and empower yourself to take charge and let change take place effortlessly, read on....

S HE has studied in eight schools in the last ten years. This is because her father's work has taken him all over the country and S has moved along with the furniture, the books and the household effects every two years. The last two years of school have been wonderful and she doesn't want to leave. But leave she must since this is the end of school and college beckons. In sharp contrast, P has been in the same school for 14 years and the very trees of the school seem to have special messages for her. She knows every stick and stone intimately and to leave this for some unknown destination sends shivers down her spine.

N has written, along with the 12th Board exams, about six entrance exams and has several more to do. These include medical and engineering exams and no one can explain how a budding engineer can also be a potential doctor. Many of these exams are back-up for the awful eventuality of not getting anything. He'd give anything to spend two more years in school so as to be able to put off the evil moment of leaving the known and loved for the fearful and strange.

Anything familiar here in these three real-life scenarios? Do you seeyourself here in any one or a bit of each of the above? If yes, then a happy thought is that you are in good company. The CBSE alone has over four lakh candidates each year all over the country and about ten thousand more in its overseas schools. Then there are other State Board school leaving examinations in each State. Add to this exams like the ISC and there you are - entering the portals of every college across the country in June, July and August of each year is a veritable mass migration from one stage of life to another. As in all changes, excitement and anticipation are not unmixed with anxiety and fear. Because youth is a universal experience and all of us have felt the butterflies in our stomach, here are a few observations on change which may make you feel better able to cope with the enormity of this one.

First, understand that it is very normal to be afraid. First steps are always faltering and being 17 or 18 does not mean that you must be able to handle the new and forget the old in a short while. Also, the amount of time each person takes to adjust is unfixed and peculiar to each individual.

Second, the end of one phase of life and the start of another is a momentous thing and requires all the help and support you can get. It is right and perfectly understandable to ask for aid and counsel.

Third, it is in the rightness of things to be unsure of oneself at 17 and not really know which course to take. It is also very natural to be idealistic and feel angry when the words, money and job security are mentioned.

Fourth, every other country in the world has educational systems which are flexible enough to admit change. In India we have to stick with our choices. Not only that, we have to put up with funny looks if we decide after about four weeks that we'd rather do Maths than Physics.

As a matter of fact, everyone pays lip service to all these axioms of change but they are not put into active practice. How then to empower oneself to take charge and let change take place in as effortless a way as possible? Allow yourself to feel fear. There is no law that says you have to be brave, and anyway the stiff upper lip principle went out with World War II. Fear is a body mechanism, which allows you to be careful and when you leave school and go to college you do have to take care of yourself. For the first time you are going to practise the skills you learnt in school - both academic and social. There is cruelty and meanness out there and where upto now you were protected by your teachers, you will now have to face it on your own. Fear teaches you to take one step at a time. But take them you must since you have to go forward and not back. For the first few awful days, you will most probably stick with those who were in school with you and be really happy at the sight of someone familiar. But this must not stop you from discovering new and exciting experiences.

Second, ask for help. Every college has a counselling department, which knows and understands the insecurities of the latest entrants. If your college doesn't have one, find an alumnus of your school who is your senior and ask. In the first few weeks this may have to be done secretly since freshman-senior friendships are governed by an unspoken but strict protocol. But do it anyway. Talk to anyone who will listen and whom you trust. A word here about ragging. A certain amount is natural and helps to break the ice. A lot of it can become scary and spoil things for you. If it gets to the unacceptable stage please don't be afraid to speak to someone in authority.

Third, it is right to be unsure about one's choices and feel committed for life to this subject or that, as I earlier said; but in India, a combination of circumstances are at work in the field of higher education. Things are changing but only for the privileged. Most of us either can't or don't want to put the clock back and a lot of us have a living to earn. It is difficult to know in the beginning whether depression is due to the new and changed environment or whether in fact it is the subject that is hateful. What to do when you really feel that you have chosen wrongly? This is a real difficulty and it is all too easy to advocate change. I am talking here of arts and science courses. Engineering is a different kettle of fish altogether and most people who join colleges of technology are preparing for life rather than learning new skills, though they are also doing that. What should happen is generally not quite the same as what does happen - ideally you should be able to change to what you like better. But in India, one of the major deterrents of individually tailor-made courses is the phenomenal numbers who aspire to university education. You may find you possess splendid qualities - such as patience, staying-power, tolerance, to name just three and these are required for higher and greater success.

Late in the 19th Century, the poet Tennyson said: "The old order changeth, yielding place to the new/ And God fulfils himself in many ways." Whether or not we like it, time passes and we have to learn the skills of coping with change. Most of us are able to because of the innate quality of human nature to adapt to a new environment. When it is time for us to leave school, we are actually quite ready for the change. Rules must give way to option and right choice, uniform must make way for mufti, teachers who were so protective of you must be replaced by others who respect your adulthood. It is a truism that in every ending there is a beginning. It is a great big world out there and it is a wonderful journey. Happy travelling!

PREMA RAGHUNATH

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