Laughter: It's a family affair

There comes a point in the life of most patients when they realise that they cannot change their situation, but they can change their attitude. Humour is an important ingredient in the recovery process. It is here that the family can play an important role in the healing process, says CHRISTINE CLIFFORD.

THREE days after undergoing surgery for breast cancer in December 1994, I heard the doorbell ring downstairs from my place of rest in my second floor bedroom. "Mom!" screamed my second-grader Brooks, "More flowers for your breast!"

It was a turning point for me, his innocent statement which brought laughter to my already developing self-pity. After all, as a child of fifteen, I had been forced to watch my mother crawl into bed with a diagnosis of cancer at the age of 38. In the months that followed my mother's radical mastectomy, I, along with my three brothers and sisters, watched in horror as she sank into a deep, clinical depression.

She stopped caring for her personal hygiene - stopped washing her hair, brushing her teeth. Eventually my father, a physician, unable to deal with my mother's depression, left my mother. She died in my arms at the age of 42. I was 19 years old.

I made a pivotal decision that day as I lay in bed, that no matter how many weeks, months or years I had left on this planet, that I would celebrate every day as a gift. I decided no matter what happened to me, I would not allow my family members to live in the fear I had as a child, that everyday might be my last. I realised that humour would be the compelling force to pull me through.

Once I started searching for signs of humour, I found it all around me. There was the time I was sitting on our deck reading the paper, my bald head gleaming in the morning sunrise. Brooks, along with several of the neighborhood children, had pitched a tent in the backyard and spent the night outside. In their innocence and ignorance, as the children woke up one by one, they started their morning conversation. Of course, since I could not see them in the tent, they assumed I couldn't hear them either.

"Brooks," began Rishi, our neighbour from India, peering from the mesh windows of the tent, "What's the matter with your mom again?"

"She has cancer," Brooks responded.

"Is she going to die?" I heard him inquire.

"No... I don't think so," said Brooks.

"You know, Brooks, her head looks like a baseball. Do you think she'd let us autograph it?"

Families can be a great source of comfort and humour in tough times. Unfortunately, what often happens when we hear a loved one has been diagnosed with a chronic illness is that we don't know what to say, or we don't want to say the wrong thing. So, often, we do not say anything and pull back away from the patient who so desperately needs our attention.

Ed Dunkelblau, psychologist and former president of The American Association for Therapeutic Humour, summed it up well when he said, "humour is a great connector of people". I know I needed people, especially family members, around me when I was facing my journey with cancer.

Therefore, it is often the patients themselves who need to "set the tone" and let family members know the timing is right to bring laughter back into their life.

How can we accomplish this? It's simple: there comes a point in the life of most patients when they realise that they cannot change their situation, but they can change their attitude. They want their life to get back to normal, and humour is an important ingredient in the recovery process.

Set The Tone to let family members, friends and caregivers know that you are ready for laughter again. Share a funny story about something that happened years ago with your family. Rent a funny movie and ask your family to watch it with you. Cut out a cartoon from the paper that brought a smile to your face and mail it to your family members with a note that says" I'm doing much better now. Thanks for your support."

Keep The Momentum Going to encourage humour with your family members. If you have read a funny book that filled your heart with laughter and joy, pass it around to family members with a note about what you found particularly humorous. Tell a joke you have recently heard, or send family members an article that tickled your funny bone.

It is like a Rubber Ball: It Comes Bouncing Back to You

Once you have opened the door to humour, it is contagious. Family members and friends will realise that laughter is the best medicine they can provide you. After all, learning to laugh at trouble radically increases the amount of things there are to laugh at.

It was Christmas of 1994 and my husband was telling my two children, 10 and 8, that I had cancer. "Mom will be going into the hospital this week for some surgery, boys. She will be having some treatments that may cause her to become sick and lose her hair."

"Cool!" exclaimed Tim, the older of the two. "Now you'll look like Captain Picard in Star Trek!"

Take time, make the time every day to love, learn, explore, care and live with your family members. And, by the way, don't forget to laugh.

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Humourist and Professional Speaker Christine Clifford is the author of two books including Not Now... I'm Having A No Hair Day! and Our Family Has Cancer, Too, especially for children. She is CEO and President of The Cancer Club. Her new audio cassette "Laughter: A New Twist to the Old Illness of Cancer" has recently been released.

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Section  : Entertainment