Between You and Me

FOR A change I would like to begin with a joke about a joke.

On March 27 a DMK member in the Tamil Nadu Assembly narrated a joke about an airplane that was about to crash. There were only three parachutes on the plane, but there were three passengers besides the pilot. Lest I bore readers who may remember the joke, I shall condense it. The pilot promptly picked a parachute and leapt out. Next a khadi-clad passenger picked up one and jumped out. Of the two remaining passengers, the one with an yellow shawl kindly offered the remaining parachute to the other traveller (whom the Speaker in the Assembly had dubbed Mr. Public), but this traveller said there were two parachutes left, as the khadi-clad passenger had in his hurry picked up a holdall and jumped out. ``The result was moments of laughter and rounds of banter in the Assembly.'' For those who are somewhat puzzled by this ``Flight of Imagination,'' as the newspaper titled the story, it should be explained the reference is to the Tamil Maanila Congress aligning itself with the All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (the holdall).

Fine, why am I telling this story again? For the simple reason that the DMK member took one of my jokes that appeared recently in this column, and refurbished it to suit his own purposes. Frankly, I have no objection to the Honorable Member filching my story and passing it off as his own, but several readers, especially one from Coimbatore, are indignant, and want me to mention it in the column. All right, I have done so. But I must add a few self-flattering things. First of all, I am pleased that Assembly members read my column, if only the jokes. Secondly, I am accustomed to having the jokes repeated particularly in Tamil magazines. Thirdly, and this is the important point I wish to make, no joke is new except to the person who hears it for the first time. Obviously, I don't make up my jokes but get them from wherever I can. Once a reader, complaining that one of my jokes was very old, said that Adam had told it to Eve. Aha, but who told it to Adam first?

WHILE I am still thinking of the Tamil Nadu Legislative Assembly and its variegated members, I must admit to a feeling that the proceedings last week went off without the customary slanging between members. For one thing, there really was nothing much for members to shout about. The TMC kept bringing up issues without solid evidence. That AIADMK members, such as they are, engaged in some vituperation when they could. I think the really important thing was that the Chief Minister, whatever one may think of him and I am not telling you what I think of him, has certainly been behaving like an elder statesman. He easily deflects situations that can turn out to be unpleasant by his powers of wit, humour and repartee. One of the best moments in the Assembly last week was, when the AIADMK member, who thinks he is carrying the banner of the Party all on his own, thundered something to the effect that his leader, against whom ``false cases have been foisted'' (a favourite AIADMK statement), will come back to power in Tamil Nadu, the Chief Minister calmly responded with, ``Oh you are frightening me, as well as the sixty million people of Tamil Nadu.''

I am not an expert on Rajya Sabha elections, but what I gather from the newspapers is that the elections were singularly distinguished by cross-voting and horse trading. The parties that seem most affected would seem to be Congress(I) and BJP. The father eats the sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge. What has happened to these parties is pretty much what they did earlier during other elections. I think it is time that we shed the affectations of being a great spiritual society, with the highest moral and ethical values. And it is even more opprobrious to smirk and snivel before people of other cultures as if we were superior beings, heaven-descended. We have judges who consort with the mafia, ministers who feather their own nest at the cost of the public, daily thefts, murders and rapes. Whom are we trying to fool? Only ourselves... At this point,kindly readers may say that I am exaggerating, that there are millions of good people in this country. Of course there are. The rains fall because of them. But what is their actual effect on our public life? They are always sidelined.

THE Income Tax authorities usually issue stern and sometimes minatory notices to assessees regarding paying the tax on time. But, writes a reader, ``Here I am running from pillar to post to find the notional value of my house as on April 1, 1981, which is the base year for indexation as per rules to work out and pay the capital gains tax under the Act on the sale of my property. The sub-registrar says the information cannot be furnished for the asking, and that the information is kept sealed. I was asked to go to the Tahsildar's office who referred me back to the sub- registrar. This information ought to be easily available as it is required to find out and pay the capital gains tax one is liable for. Will the authorities say where and how?''

THE STENOGRAPHERS Guild, which has been rendering yeoman service to the stenographic fraternity through a number of courses and placement assistance, has received a number of endowments from business houses and from the Pitman House, London. It is now offering shorthand courses to 100 students whose parental income is below Rs. 30,000 a year, and who are below 30 years of age. The Guild is offering a number of other courses also, all free of charge, especially one to physically handicapped and destitute women. All the courses start on April 4, 2000, and eligible applicants may walk in, with relevant papers and ration card, at the Stenographers Guild, No. 1, Guild Street, (behind Siva Vishnu Temple), T.Nagar, Chennai (Tel: 4342421; 4337387) on April 4, 2000 between 8-00 a.m. and 8-00 p.m.

HERE IS a letter of application for the Electricity Department which I am sure can do with many more such kind words. Briefly, this reader whose meter was not working for a while, and was told that his dues would be computed on the basis of the highest consumption of the previous 12 months, was in a quandary as he had used air-conditioners for a limited period during the time under review. This came to a large amount, but on appeal to the Assistant Electrical Engineer, he had the problem solved to his satisfaction within a few minutes. Says he: ``We have professionals even in government.''

VISWANATHAN ANAND may be going through a lean patch, but our youngsters are doing brilliantly. Two of these, Sashikaran, Grand Master, and Aarthie Ramaswamy, World Champion of Girls under Eighteen, will be honoured at a function on April 18, 2000, at 6- 15 p.m. at Sringeri Pravachana Mandir, 9, Sringeri Mutt Road, R.A. Puram, Chennai-28. A Citizens Committee, which is organising the event, invites the sports loving public of Chennai, to attend in strength.

THERE WAS this new young man at the construction site, Parthasarathy, and he kept taunting the other workers about his strength, and how none of them could do what he could. Finally an old man took up his challenge. He said he would haul something in a wheelbarrow to the outer building which he said the young man cannot haul back. The young man laughed and agreed to the bet. Then the old man grabbed the wheelbarrow, held it by the handle, then told the young man: ``All right. Get in.''

S. KRISHNAN

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